Amazing opening line to that review (subsequent attempts at humor are not as successful). I think it takes a certain lack of respect for your audience to release a film that horrible in all respects.

Anybody ever read any negative Elvis Mitchell reviews before he left the New York Times? I miss that guy. Probably the most sarcastic mainstream reviewer that ever was. His review of S.W.A.T. stands out: http://movies2.nytimes.com/mem/movies/review.html?oref=login&title1=S.W.A.T.%20%28Movie%29&title2=Swat%20%28Movie%29&reviewer=Elvis%20Mitchell&v_id=282770

Also:
http://www.collegehumor.com/?movie_id=74790